It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
