Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
