Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
