I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She just used a chaser for red wine.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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