can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
