i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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