My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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