I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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