one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
