so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
