Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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