well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
