these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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