I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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