you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
