I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
