you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
