I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
