this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize