apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
