i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
