You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
