Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
