i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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