my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
