Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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