elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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