No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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