You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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