I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
