WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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