I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
