I just cut my nipple shaving
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
