Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
