I wish I only lived at night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
