i don't like sucking hair
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
