cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
