I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
