i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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