oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
