Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!

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(706): View more from Georgia

dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.

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(309): View more from Illinois

So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.

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(614): View more from Ohio

True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.

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(914): View more from New York

Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.

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(805): View more from California

I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.

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(360): View more from Washington

I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.

(1-360): View more from Washington

It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.

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(941): View more from Florida

im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester

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