I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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