You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
