he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
