I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
did i walk over a car last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
