just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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