Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
