I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i now understand why vodka
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
