Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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