Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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