He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
