Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
