he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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