dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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