So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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