if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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