I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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