If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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