There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
