just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
