you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
