oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
