Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
