Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
