I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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