Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
