ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
