before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
